notoquesnada:

If he had said the words any other way, Audrey would have lost interest in the pity party. But there was something so final about the way he said it. He wasn’t feeling sorry for himself, he was frustrated with himself. Audrey knew that sort of sense of failure. She felt it a good bit after the submarine went down, unable to defend itself against the attacks of that giant monster. She didn’t know what to say for a second until his shoulders slumped. 

She stopped, moving to stand in front of him and stopping him too. Audrey began to speak. “Okay, first off, who gives a fuck who likes you? It’s not summer camp. Like you said it’s a war. And have you ever done this shit before? How can you just expect to be good at it automatically? If that’s what you’re expecting, then you’re an idiot.” She replied, not trying to be harsh as much as honest, brown eyes serious. “And how long have you been here? Have you gotten any better at all? Stronger at all? I mean, if you’ve been doing it for months and months and nothing’s changed, then yeah, the captain or whatever should be pissed, but if you’re getting better, then they can go fuck themselves.” She decided.

The barrage of words, alternating between insults towards Ping and his superiors and peppered with cursing, took the young soldier completely aback.  He didn’t quite flinch away, but blinked as rapidly as if he were listening to the sound of cannon fire, or sharply-pounded drums, as Audrey went on and on.  Ping’s outpouring to Audrey had been one less born of resignation - he would never give up!  How could he?  He would be sent home dishonorably, and Ping was almost certain he would rather die than return that way - and more spurred by how easy Audrey seemed to talk to.  

It was clear that he’d been mistaken to think he could confide anything in her.  He stopped short when Audrey’d blocked his path, and though Ping was not very much like his soldier comrades, he’d already picked up the habit of hiding his anger and frustration in clenched fists.  Khan’s reins bit into his blistered palms.

There was not being liked, and then there was the experience of having every soldier in camp out to trip or kick you or put beetles in your clothing and rice bowl.  Ping had not expected to take easily to the life of a training soldier, but nor had he prepared himself to struggle for weeks without ever once meeting his captain’s expectations.  He considered Audrey through eyes whose heavy lids only hinted at the recruit’s soreness and fatigue.  Unless she’d ever run away to the army too, Ping doubted she knew anything about it.  Of course, Ping was not an expert either - but at least he knew better than to speak as disrespectfully to Captain Shang as Audrey seemed to expect him to.  He was not the idiot she branded him as.

He had enough to deal with in camp without being scolded by her.

Ping might have said all of this, but he now felt exhausted, and he had already let himself speak too bluntly about his troubles - look what had happened.  Instead he sidestepped Audrey, swinging back up into Khan’s saddle.  "We’ve reached the outer boundary of Wu Zhong,“ was all Ping said.  He pointed ahead.  "If you walk a few minutes to the left of that gateway, there’s a path that leads straight into the nearest village.”